super handy chart
Yum… currant jelly… can’t wait for Thanksgiving… :)
See the free preview of the film here.
My favorite line: “He fell asleep on the couch, then he fell off and started crawling around, roaring like a wild animal.”
SUPPORTING A MED STUDENT
Hello Doctor!
Just a quick question tonight:
My other half has just started med school here in the UK and I was wondering what the best ways to support him would be? I know It’s a long and difficult process, but I just would like to know what you think a Girlfriend can do to make it easier being away??
I hope this makes sense, I thought so!
Peace out.What a terrific girlfriend you are, thinking about the real needs of a Significant Other (SO) in Med School (SOMS?)! Here’s what Mrs. Cranquis did for me during our dating/married years in med school and residency which proved particularly helpful for my sanity and survival:
- Minimize your expectations for together-time. This does NOT mean that you and your SOMS can’t have any quality time together, but rather that you do not base your interpretation of the relationship’s success on the amount of time you spend together. Expect to have entire weeks where your SOMS barely has time to text you between marathon study sessions, labs and lectures. Expect your weekends to be 80% studying, 20% together-time. Expect to have more time together right after exam weeks — with the possibility that part of that time will be spent listening to your SOMS bemoan how stressful the exams were and how terrible he/she expects their scores to be! When it comes to together-time, set your expectations low, and then be pleasantly surprised if you end up with more time than you expected.
- If you have specific expectations regarding special events, be clear about it. Your SOMS is gonna be very focused on cramming tons of minutiae into his/her brain every waking moment for months on end. Do not expect your SOMS to somehow remember every important upcoming event in your relationship. If you are hoping to do something special for an anniversary, a birthday, Valentine’s, whatever — tell your SOMS about it WAY ahead of time, and mark it down on a his/her school calendar. It’s really not fair for you to just “hope they remember” and then get upset when you don’t get a Sweetheart’s Day card. (If you happen to have a SOMS who is super-awesome about still keeping track of your Special Events without being reminded, yay for you! But don’t rip ‘em a new one if they do forget something at some point — or if they remember, but are unable to do much because of school/clinic/exam/on-call schedules.)
- Planning way in advance is particularly important for major events. If your upcoming calendar contains major events such as “Family Reunion Trip to Australia” or “Cousin’s Wedding” or “Our Wedding”, you and your SOMS need to start figuring out (1) how important is it for the SOMS to be there (importance may vary), and (2) how will you work towards guaranteeing that your SOMS will be available for that event. Come up with backup plans and think outside the box (I took a whole year off after my 2nd year of med school, in order to do some in-person dating with my Long-Distance SO of 2 years and have plenty of time for wedding stuff — at my dean’s insistence!).
- Learn to carry a bigger part of the day-to-day load. If you’re sharing living space and household responsibilities, you and your SOMS may have already established certain routines and mutual expectations before starting med school. THINGS WILL LIKELY CHANGE NOW. Your SOMS may have always been the one to do the dishes, or buy the groceries, or take the dog for a walk — but you may need to pitch in on those chores now (perhaps just during exam weeks, or perhaps permanently for the next 4+ years!). I don’t advocate letting the SOMS get away with completely slacking on household duties, but when the moment arrives that you must either take out the trash yourself, or sit back passive-aggressively and watch the ants invade the trash bin while waiting for your SO to “put down the highlighters and do the chores” — you’ll both be a lot happier if you just quietly pick up the slack from time to time.
- Consider these tips for Long-Distance relationships during med school. Your question mentions “make it easier being away”, so I thought this might apply to your situation.
- Get involved with your SOMS’ schooling. As that post above mentions, many med schools have “Alumni Auxiliary” programs which often contain a “support group” for spouses and SO’s of med students. These are valuable sources of advice and encouragement for YOU as you navigate the world of “being emotionally involved with a med student.” They also provide a great way to connect with other SO’s of med students, who may become some of your best friends as you all travel alongside your SOMS’ Medical Journey. Consider volunteering in the school’s labs or hospitals, as a way of experiencing your SO’s new life first-hand. Get your SOMS to give you tours of the classrooms, labs, clinics and hospitals — it will help you feel more connected with their conversations about the OR, the ER, or the cadaver lab.
- Attend the big school events. Most med schools (or med student associations) throw at least a few big parties for their class at various points through the years — after the first exam week, after board exams, after residency match, etc. Make sure you are available to attend those with your SOMS, to show your support and pride and also to make more connections with his/her classmates and their SO’s.
- Shower your SOMS with signs of affection. It can really save a SOMS’ spirits to find a love-note tucked into a textbook or scrawled in the margins of next week’s lecture notes. Decorate their study area with pictures of you and of you both together. Provide healthy study-snacks, especially during exam-prep weeks. (Depending on how much you like to embarrass your SOMS, you could consider some of the tactics Mrs. Cranquis used too.)
- If you are spiritual people, take the lead in encouraging your SOMS to stay close to a source of spiritual strength. Speaking from experience, it can be very easy for a med student to get so focused on the “just surviving this next exam” that you forget that there is a Bigger Purpose to your training. Having a spiritual buddy (SO, spouse, best friend) to encourage you and remind you of how God has brought you this far is one of the most valuable resources a med student can have.
Good luck to you and your SOMS, hanlloyd! Let me know if you discover any other tips that could be helpful for others in your situation. (Oh, and you might want to ask wifeofadocstar for more in-depth “Live from the Scene” advice!)
***Pending Cranquis-Mails: 3; InBox: Closed***
WHEW I DIDNT KNOW ALL OF THIS ITS ALOT TO COMMIT TO
Seriously, people — why do you cram into my Urgent Care when the weather is so lovely outside? GO GET SOME SUNSHINE!
LOL SOOOO TRUE THOUGH!!
